It is so not fine over here. Something is terribly wrong. I don?t know what. My cat is meowing to me and I can?t understand him. He?s like panicking and meowing close to me, in my ear, and holding my arm tight with his soft paws, he even bit in the cloth of my pullover and he didn?t let go for five minutes. His pupils were wide last night. Now he?s lying on my bed all depressed. He?s so afraid of me, he won?t let me touch him. What should I do? I don?t know what to do. I?m scared something is so wrong.
Oh my, this thing I experience is so scary. It feels so real. I am getting flashbacks. Of the past obviously. I am getting them for a while now. But lately they feel so real, they feel so intense. It?s like? and don?t you laugh at me? I hypnotised myself a lot last year. And every flashback hurts so much.
I just sent an email to Elizabeth Wurtzel?s editor. I asked her if she could give letter to Elizabeth. I?ll mail my letter if her editor replies to me. If you don?t find me crazy already, you?ll definitely find me crazy if I?ll tell you what I want to ask her, lolz. Who the hell do I think I am? Somebody important to her? Even though she doesn?t know me, lolz. Whatever hey, I can only try (to matter). We?ll see and if she replies I?ll tell you what I want to ask her. Well, at least for a crazy person, I?d be at the right address.
My parents and brothers are back from their holiday, actually from Wednesday already. I chatted with Roebi and my mum yesterday. I called Johan and my mum today. I?m going home (well, my mum?s home) Tuesday afternoon to see my brothers and how fat the baby got, haha. The first two weeks my mum has got to work and she can?t take Ira, my baby brother, to day-care for that time. I really hope she trusts me enough to take care of him for at least a day. I?d love to take care of him. I?m sick of people, even younger ones then me, treating me like such a child. I?m sick of them telling me how hard it is to take care of them and stuff, I can?t stand it. Joking is fine, but don?t act as if I?m stupid. I have three little brothers, I know a lot about babies.
I feel quite sad because I talked to my mum and she said I sounded funny. I said it was because of my pills and that the doctor said I?d have the same side-effects with other pills of the same sort. I take not much, but I have to endure the cramps then and they really hurt. And the way I talk then, embarrasses me so. I never feel like talking then, not even on the phone. I hate this! It makes me really sad.