My wine-soaked quorn was so yummy, such a shame I have none left.
I?ve been dozing off again all the time since lunch. It?s not like I had too much quorn. When y doorbell rang this evening I woke in a state of shock, goddamn my ears.
My parents and brothers will be back this week, since school starts next Thursday.
It?ll soon be my birthday and I hate that time. I?ve got a strong presentiment that it?s going to be an awful day. I?ll tell you later if my presentiment was right, it probably will be. I probably wouldn?t be thinking of it so soon if people hadn?t reminded me of it so soon. It?s just the people ask me what I wan, and other stuff like that. what I want is for everybody to back off, I want to be alone, I want to be miserable, I want to cry! I want to start crying right now! I am so damn sad! I find my birthday no reason to celebrate. That?s when all the trouble in my family started. They day after the warranty ran out on me anyway. And now everything is so wrong with me, I?m so depressed. After all those sevenish months I live alone, that I hid my true personality to the normal people, well, I can?t do that anymore. Today I?ve stated one of my wacko thoughts to someone I know. Soon, the whole city is going to hate me and they?ll start haunting me. Where can I go now? I don?t really feel like suicide, because I am not feeling anything at all. if I were feeling right now, I would be counting the thousands of pills I?ve got in my medicine drawer and I would want to kill myself right away. One day, if I would make it to that day, I am going to make a work of art by making my personal suicide painting, well, more a collage of my portion of deadly pills. I?ll put it behind breaking glass and stick a sticker on it which says break in case of an emergency and hang a hammer next to it. I?ll hang it in my living room next to my computer. I am not feeling, but lots of things are bringing me down and are making me depressed. Things are so very wrong with me.
I noticed that Bart is probably reading the first few lines of my entries. Oh well, I don?t mind, not even if he would choose to subscribe. He used to read my entire entries anyway, and I didn?t hold back either back then.