My beloved cat still is depressed. Severely depressed. He is very fond of my grandma. She told him to take great care of me. He looked at her like he were listening and reassuring her that he would do just that. I am always around the computer, so he is as well. As I am writing this, he is lying at the right side of the computer, between the monitor and the all-in-one printer.
I feel really guilty, because I have been depressed until March this year and now I am again. He always took great care of me when I was feeling depressed, he gave me tons of attention. He always did, he?s addicted to me. He jumps on my lap in the morning and lets me taxi him through the house, really, it?s cute. He has always been this way. he must be so happy I ride a wheelchair, hihi.
Anyway, I think that perhaps he got tired of me being this depressed, so tired of giving me his unconditional love ? like only a cat can ? that he got depressed months ago, and still is.
You know, I sometimes cut in my arms, with a pencil, a knife, a mirror, a piece of glass, or whatever sharp thing. That?s called self-mutilation I guess? and well? my cat now does it as well? he gathers a pluck of hair and scratches it out. The house is full of hair plucks. I feel so bad about this. I never meant for him to do this as well. I love him.
You know, he is the one who always motivated me to live on in my many suicidal times. He and his unique unconditional love.
I don?t know if I want to live on without him. He has got to be cured, I love him as much as I love my journal.
I do believe in Bast, the Egypt cat goddess.
I talk with cats, I do. I know a lot about the psychology of cats. I understand them and the understand me. I meow almost all day with my cat. Seriously, I do, don?t laugh. We communicate heaps. I meow more than I talk during a day, really. He?s fond of that.