If we want something really bad, we just make it happen, right? But things are a little complicated than that.
What actually is it that defines a good mother? Your amount of money you put in your child? The presents0 you can give it? The provided education? Your physical ability to run with your child wherever it wants to go? I honestly don?t think so. I think that a good mother or father is solel0y defined by the amount of love you surround your child with. This means that I could be a good mum. A lot of people discouraged, and still discourage me to get pregnant. You understand, a babywish for me, a girl in a wheelchair (I hate the words disabled and disability because I am able to do what I crave for), feels the same as a babywish for normal people feels like.. and well, perhaps I do need help, I will need practical help for a baby too (for diaper changing, bathing, clothing perhaps? not for love), but practical help is manageable as I only got to pay for it. I?d raise it bilingual (Dutch and English, we learn German, French and Spanish in school). I speak them too, though not perfect.
Don?t open your mouth too soon when I state next sentence. A baby would be the greatest motivation for me to not commit suicide. But that doesn?t I don?t have the best of intentions when I have a baby. It would be hard, and it would stress me out at times, I know that. but you see, I got all this love swelling my heart, and it just frustrates the hell out of me that I have nobody to share it with. And I prefer being a single mum over having a boyfriend. Definitely. I want to cherish it because it would depend on my love.0 I just feel all good intentions of being a mum. I don’t want a baby for suicide prevention, I want a baby since I was 17, it’s a big wish of mine to be a young mother, so I wanna have a baby before I get 25. And seen the progression of my disease it would be better if I still were young. My mum doesn’t support me because she says I’m not up to it, my doctor gave me the number of the in vitro fertilisation department, she loves my idea.
I would never do abortion. Not that I am fully anti-abortion. But like if it has got the Down syndrome, for example, gosh, those can love you so much back. If it would have my disease ? that won?t happen if I go for in vitro, and my disease is autosomal recessive and very rare anyway ? I wouldn?t abort because I think I have a pretty good life (leave the pretty, it?s good)
I have looked for adaptive parenting equipment and they would be a great help for me. Velcro disposable diapers, Velcro bibs, a babysling, an electric babylifter, a crib and a box I can ride my wheelchair under, a nourishment cushion, a bathtub and so forth.
Wouldn?t that help me so to do much of the baby care myself.
I have thought it through very carefully, but I feel so insecure because nobody believes in me. Should I make an appointment with the in vitro fertilisation centre? Right away, or wait a little?