Back to nature… My hormones are being really strange, and I am getting pretty tired of going on and off to the gynaecologist.
The first reason I don’t want to go there is because chances are I will meet back the gynaecologist who prevented my artificial insemination.
A second reason is because it is in the hospital where I got the insemination when I had my miscarriage.
The third reason is because my gynaecologist, who is or was a good guy, is now having second thoughts I guess. I had a really important question when I was hormonal pregnant, and he never mailed me back. It might be a mistake, nevertheless it doesn’t help my paranoia.
The fourth reason is because I used to have to go to that hospital every month for my insemination, and now I have to go almost every month because I have another problem, and I am sick of that.
So I won’t go, not even if I bleed to death, but I can’t really do that (I mean bleed to death) because with one drop of blood you can hardly bleed to death. And you can hardly call that menses…
Which makes me wonder again if I am not pregnant. I have got other symptoms of pregnancy as well, such as sickness, tense breasts, stiff nipples and so on. I don’t think I am pregnant, but my body tells me otherwise.
I think I can’t keep going to the gynaecologist to prescribe me once again some hormonal cure. For one I don’t think it is physically healthy and second, it gives me more migraine.
Actually, I am going to quit taking Vitex and the other herbs, like Maca and so on, because all they do is mess up my cycle and they give me tons of migraine as well.
For now I want to leave everything as it is because you never know I get lucky. It makes me very sad that probably nobody is sorry for me either. I don’t mean nobody, but I mean, I guess you know who I mean. It makes me feel so alone in the care of my babywish. I have got nobody, you know, to talk with about it.
Paws